Aisling’s Preggo Blog

I will inshaAllah go to both the viewing and the funeral. I don’t know if I’ll be able to actually go up and see her, as I don’t want to put my pregnancy through any stress, but I will go anyways. In a few minutes I’ll callmy other best friends from high school and maybe we can all go together.

Thursday – Viewing

Friday – Funeral

It could have been me.

Allahu akbar it could have been me. Should Islam not have been written for me, I would most likely have led a similar life, if not one right beside her. I thought I was the queen of the social scene, and loved the attention and all of the drama that came with it.

Allah chose another path for me (alhamdulillah) and now I am married, having a baby mashaAllah, in our own little apartment with great friends, while I will soon have to bury an old friend who led the life I could have.

Astaghfirullah, sometimes i wonder about my decision, not whether I should have become Muslim or not as I am a firm believer, but just about small things. For example, when I used to see her pics and all the fun she was having I questioned myself “Am I missing out or being saved by not going to bars or drinking?”. Little things like that which I know are from shaytan but disruptive none the less. I don’t mean to say it was just when I saw her info, I mean everyone I knew from before Islam came into my life.

Alhamdulillah, 

Alhamdulillah, 

Alhamdulillah, 

Alhamdulillah, 

Alhamdulillah.

Allahu akbar - I am really having a harder time than I thought I would with her passing.

It seems to have taken over me – my thoughts, visions, memories, conversations. I keep just tearing up when I am just sitting doing nothing. I am stuck on Facebook. A few of my HS friends wanted a place to keep funeral info and memories so I started a memory group for her, and I keep watching to see all the beautiful yet bittersweet things people are writing about her. It seems some of her closest friends didn;t want something like this on Facebook, and if there was they wanted it from them. Understandable, I just felt bad NOT doing something, KWIM? Those of us who weren’t close to her now still wanted an outlet for grief, a place where we could learn new details about funeral arrangements and a place to just remember. I decided to keep it up, not to defy but to assist in the healing process of many others. There is a member count of almost 250 just from overnight! She really was loved.

One thing I had promised was that no info about the circumstances around her death would be given. To date, I have heard some heavy information that I would not want released about my loved one, and therefore don’t find it my place to allow others access to that information.

I dunno, I just feel so connected to her and I don’t know why.