Aisling’s Preggo Blog

As the time crawls by, I keep getting more and more anxious about going. One of my friends is just too shaken up to go, and a few others will come at different times in the viewing session.

I guess it is really starting to hit me that she is gone. She will be buried and the punishment of the grave will begin. As she did not die on Islam,  I can not make du’aa for her. I can not say to her family ‘Don’t worry, she is in a better place’ because she may not be. I remember of all of our days together, did we ever really know this is how it would end up? Her in a casket at 23, me as a Muslim coming to her funeral….

Did we know as we walked home from my bus stop that in a few years from now, one would be gone and one would be mourning the loss? Alhamdulillah for the long time I have had here in this dunya. Although it is trying, Allah has allowed me to wake up each day and try again. He didn’t allow her past this Tuesday. Khalas - that is it - that was her time. I contemplate when my time will be. Will my son and husband have to bury me? Will my mother have to bury me? Will I have to bury my son? My husband? Allahu Akbar my heart is trembling with fear for our akhirah….

You really just never know when your time is written.

My heart feels heavy - quite literally. I feel like there is a stone in the middle of my chest. As my work day comes to an end, real life is just beginning.